momentum-healing-and-recovery

The Long and Winding Road

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 13:35:27 GMT

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to complete a bucket list item: hiking Rim to Rim at the Grand Canyon. I had wanted to do that both to experience the beauty that is the Grand Canyon and to accomplish this very physical challenge.

I can be competitive and goal-oriented. To those that know me, this is not a shocker. But I wanted to be balanced between enjoying my companions, the beauty of the scenery around me, and the overall experience with completing the hike in a way that worked for me.

I had been warned that going at a pace not in keeping with my own would not work. I would need to be at a pace that is not too slow, not too fast. For the most part, my pace matched the pace of my companions, but somewhere around the 3.5 miles remaining mark (out of 24 total miles), I needed to change to my own pace, which led to me hiking mostly on my own.

It was during this stretch of climbing that I took this photo – a spectacular view of the journey that I’d taken. The path was winding, steep, and challenging. But there I was, at this spot on the path, my journey nearly complete, looking back at what I’d accomplished while still anticipating the journey ahead, which at that point was mostly unseen. Coupled with this was the satisfaction of knowing I’d done my best and would continue to do so.

I think that is my recovery journey, too. I have had many twists on the path; it’s been steep and difficult at times – sometimes with beautiful views, other times with only rocky crags in view. Much of the time, there have been people on the path to share the journey, and even in times when the past was mostly solitary, I knew I was not alone. And though I am on my own pathway of life and recovery, with my footsteps uniquely my own, I travel a path where others have gone before, knowing that I can follow them and, in so doing, be a guide for others.

To all who have been on the path with me, thank you. For all who are standing at the trailhead wondering if they can do it, know that you can! And the journey is spectacular!

Ripples

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 13:28:31 GMT

Paddle boarding is a meaningful experience for me. It is physical but peaceful (unless it is super windy). On a morning when I was out early, I saw tiny bugs dropping onto the water and thought, “How amazing is the ripple created from such a tiny creature?” The tiny ripples were popping up all over the surface, creating gentle patterns on the water in the light of the sunrise.

For me, this was yet another life lesson in an unexpected place.

As I contemplated the effect of the bugs on the water, I reflected on the many ripples I have both created and experienced, large and small, in many ways and from so many sources. Sadly, some of them were harsh and hurtful, unkind words and actions that left me or others feeling dysregulated, sad, or (too often) abandoned. And unlike the ripples that can quickly disappear, many can leave a shadow or scar if left unattended. But I also reflected that if I choose to do so, I can let go of things that are not helpful to my connection with others and personal security and serenity.

If you listen to the webinar s that have been created for Seeking Integrity, I’ve shared that I am keenly aware of my abandonment wound, and when that gets poked, it hurts. I can “ripple” this hurt out if I choose, or I can engage in self-care to avoid getting stuck. Often, this involves reaching out to someone who knows me and can help me distinguish the real from the feeling.

Happily, there are many ripples of kindness and healing, too. If I focus on just the negative, I miss out on how people can step into the hurt space with me. When I do this, I’m not really abandoned and alone, as there are kind words and actions. And this truly happens. If I see the ripples of kindness and lean into them, I can also create outward ripples of kindness.

I can choose what I want to “ripple” to the world, to those in my water surface area. Knowing this, I can choose to ripple positivity and healing, mostly by helping others in ways that I have been helped. My hope is that those who need help will receive healing, and that, in time, they will ripple it back out. What a gift we can give in this!

Excuses and Denials: I’m Stuck. Oh My!

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 13:23:20 GMT

This has happened so often it makes my head spin. I answer the phone – the one that people call seeking help for addiction. Two scenarios – it’s from someone struggling with addiction personally, or it’s a loved one of someone struggling.

Scenario 1

The conversation goes something like this: I need help! My life/relationship/family/job is a mess. These callers often share that their relationship (or job) is on the verge of ending and they are desperate to have everything be fixed and back to normal, but they don’t know what to do. They want/need help!

I do my best to let them know that they are not alone and that there is qualified help. There is an option to change and learn to do life differently. There is no magic fix for their issues, but there is a way to stop the acting out behavior and live differently. I also share what that will take and that it is so worth the effort. It is amazing how quickly the conversation becomes “It’s not that bad,” or, “I can’t do THAT!” In other words, they balk at the time and money for qualified help; they even struggle to commit to free resources that could help them.

Scenario 2

The conversation goes something like this: I need help! My partner/spouse (sometimes family member) is a porn/sex addict (perhaps with a co-occurring chemical addiction). Typically, in these conversations, I then hear a lot more details – how long they’ve been together, the betrayal that they have endured, etc.

I do my best to let these callers know that they are not alone and that there is qualified help. There is an option for their spouse/partner/loved one to get the help they need to survive the other person’s addiction. I also share ideas for how their addicted loved one can find help. This is typically followed by “He won’t do that.”

In those cases, I am saddened that the partner has given up hope for any meaningful change. They are unhappy but seemingly willing to accept that this is how things are and will continue to be. At best. The truth is that addiction is a chronic condition and things do get worse. They can probably look back and see that this has occurred for their addict (and themselves) already. But they’re stuck because “He won’t do that.”

Moving Forward

Change is scary. Setting healthy boundaries for a partner is scary. Taking a step to give up the maladaptive coping mechanisms for an addict is scary. Sadly, fear of change permits the addiction to continue, to flourish with all the negative consequences for the addict and heartbreak for the partners.

I captured a quote recently: “If you are stuck in a rut today, it is because you got comfortable there.” What happens if we are brave and take the steps toward change? It is LIFE ALTERING! I am proof of this, and so are countless others. If we do the next right thing, we can change. We can have relationships that are meaningful. We can live in integrity. We can be the person we are meant to be. It’s worth getting out of the rut.